He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I came so hard my ears popped.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
