On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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