it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
