i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
