The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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