did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
