Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
