if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
