mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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