dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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