yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
