what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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