Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
