I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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