My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
