i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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