Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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