i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
