why didn't you poke me back
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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