Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
