Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
