we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize