I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
high people should be assigned attendants
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
