Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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