do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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