I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
