i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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