Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
