That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
