Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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