one word: firstdatebathroomanal
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
