she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
