After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
