I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
