Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
