She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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