And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
