the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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