i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
