No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
This is the high leading the old right now
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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