I accidentally had phone sex last night
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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