It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
one two three fourrrrnication!
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
