I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
COCAINE IS GR8
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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