Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
