I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
