Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
