News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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