There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
