Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
