Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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