1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Randomize