just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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