Just cropdusted the office
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize