i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
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