Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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