my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
i need some magic done to my vagina
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
