He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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