I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
the condom got lost in my hair
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
