Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
