Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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