we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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