I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
my liver is dry heaving
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