also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
