If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
