i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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