I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
There's always time for handjobs
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize
