im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
