What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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