how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize