Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Randomize
