Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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