My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
