Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
