Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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