hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
