i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
