i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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