Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
