worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
