I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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