Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
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