Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize