you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
