hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I just had sex on a roof
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
