VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
party gras won. party gras always wins.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
