Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
