She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
