Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
