Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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