Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
