New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
