after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
