How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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