The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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