do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Actions speak louder than pants.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
