I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
