your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
