and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
