I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
