you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize