Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Randomize
