You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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