I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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