wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
